Why the heck are we thinking of doing this?
It might seem like a silly question, but it was extremely important to us to answer this and keep thinking about it as we plan, because we're not just having a wedding, we're getting married! As you may or may not know, we are both pretty analytical people. As with every decision, this is one that we wanted to analyze appropriately. We certainly have our softer romantic sides, but for us marrying for simply romantic reasons was not good enough.
To us "why" is not just a practical question to ask ourselves to make sure we're "ready" and really want to do this, it encompasses larger issues that we both continue to struggle with. We certainly don't think that we have all of the answers, these are just a few thoughts about our personal feelings and why we are choosing to get married.
We are both ambivalent about marriage. Historically, it has represented a contract of ownership, passing a woman from her father to her husband. Although contemporary American law largely recognizes spouses as equal partners, traditional assumptions about roles die hard. Marriage has also represented a death of individuality - creating "one out of two" may sound nice but for two people who do not just want to be thought of as a unit, this is not such an inviting proposition. We recognize ourselves as two individuals who will not cease being so after marriage, so why get married at all?
The fact that we would not be able to marry if we were of the same sex, and that our friends in same-sex couples cannot marry is also a very significant issue. Should we not marry until these others can?
Marriage in itself is no proof of love. Although most people who get married would say that they love each other, those who never marry may have just as much love for their partners. Would we love each other any less if we did not marry? Does getting married mean that we love each other more than if we were just to stay together until death? We don't think so.
Just because marriage historically has been about ownership, doesn't mean that that's what marriage is. By marrying, we want to give official recognition to a shared enterprise: our union. We've heard that keeping a marriage strong takes a lot of work, and that work is all too easy to neglect. By maintaining a record of our union at city hall, it will make it that much harder to neglect. We are not interested in owning each other or controlling each other, but we are interested in utilizing the opportunity that marriage offers to tell each other and the world that we love and need and want to be with and support and take care of each other for the rest of our lives.
Last Updated:
February 07, 2005 -- 17:13:24.
Time since the wedding: 1805 days 13 hours